Faye Joy Rawlinson

Faye Joy Rawlinson
Born prematurely at 31 weeks 26/08/06
Died aged nine days 04/09/06
Born in Liverpool but a Everton supporter like her daddy.


Please read my tribute to Faye.

Always loved and never forgotten, my precious little fairy.


Dear Faye, our time together was so short, I have some many things I want to tell you. Over time I hope that you will hear all my words I send to you.
Here’s the story of what happened when I was pregnant with you and what happened after you were born…….

January
I found out I was pregnant, were weren’t sure whether to be excited or scared! I was so happy yet terrified of the future with you.
I had a funny feeling I was pregnant, I just felt different plus I had lots of heartburn.
We told all the family about our little secret, much to our surprise they were overjoyed!
Before I found out I was pregnant me and daddy went out to town and got quite drunk! Sorry baby- I didn’t know!

February
Daddy was going to Germany, we were missing him so much. You just grew and grew, he was shocked every time he came home to see us!
Me and daddy decided to get married- we decided 19th August would be good. Just a day after Auntie Charlotte’s birthday. Although I didn’t realise I would have such a big bump!
So, when daddy was away, I planned the wedding and started buying you lots of nice things.
Me and you went to Poland and all my friends looked after us, they were so protective! They all talked to you, which was quite funny. You probably know who they all are.

March
Nana Joyce came with me for your first scan ………….., you were so perfect it was the best scan photo I had ever seen. I was so proud showing you off to all the friends and family. Afterwards we went to the Strand (shopping centre) and Nana Joyce bought you something nice.
I had decided that because you had two nana’s called Joyce, your middle name would be Joy.
The excitement about you and the wedding grew-along with my bump! Everybody was so helpful with everything.
We went to all the hospital appointments- I found out I had Group B Strep. I wasn’t too worried, I knew we would be well looked after.

June
The next scan you were so naughty, the midwife spent ages trying to see if you were a little girl but you wouldn’t let us see! In the end you just turned your back to us, me and Nana Joyce found it so funny. You always had your hand by your face. I phoned daddy and told him, he was so happy. It was hard for him to be away but that was his job and he was earning lots of money to look after you.
We knew all along you were a little girl, although it was never confirmed on your scans - Jayne my best friend said so! We were so happy buying pink things for you!
Auntie Charlotte wouldn’t leave you alone, she loved talking to you and hugging my bump.

July
We had a little scare when you were around 22 weeks, I was checked over, the next day the pains went. Maybe you wanted to let us know you were there.
You were so wriggly, always kicking about! You always had your head right up on my ribs.

August
We were all busy buying you lots of clothes in the Next sales! It was great to buy all your lovely pink things. The wedding was near.
I remember sitting on nana Doreen’s couch and daddy touching my belly and you kicked him off, it was so funny!

19th August
The wedding day came, it was a wonderful day. Me and daddy were so happy, the day went so quickly. Everybody was wishing us luck for the future with you.

25th August
Six days after the wedding, my waters broke. Nine weeks before you were due. Daddy just didn’t know what to do, I remained calm ringing the hospital.
The told me to wait for another few hours but I wasn’t willing to wait, I began to panic. I didn’t want you to come yet.
Granddad Peter took me and daddy to the hospital, we had to wait a little while. We were taken into the assessment room in the Liverpool Women Hospital. They didn’t believe that you were ready!
I was kept in and daddy was told to go home because you weren’t coming for at least 2 weeks.
All night I had pains, I knew they were contractions but still they would not believe you wanted to come. I begged you to hold on for a little longer.

26th August
My little fairy was born, they still didn’t believe you were coming until you were practically entering this world.
You were perfect Faye. Did you know I choose your name because it means fairy? I think it sounds so beautiful, just like you.
I didn’t actually ask daddy if I could name you Faye when you were born, it happened really quickly, but when I saw you, I thought, yes she is defiantly a Faye. With your dark hair and skin. It was the most amazing feeling when I heard you cry when you entered this world, I was so happy that you were mine Faye.
You were taken straight to the Neonatal ward, nursery 7, I so desperately wanted to hold you my little baby girl.
Daddy came in straight away, he couldn’t wait to see you. Either could I.
I was wheeled down to see you, you looked so tiny but yet so strong.
You had such dark hair, a little cutie!
You were perfect- nothing wrong with you! You had a little oxygen in you incubator but apart from that you were like a normal newborn.
I longed to hold you but we had to wait a little. Daddy rang everybody to tell them you were here, nobody could wait to come and see you.
The nurses asked me if you could have a dummy because you were a little cranky when you were disturbed (just like me then), I said yes. You sure did love that purple dummy.
26th August- 2nd September
Auntie Karen was so pleased to see you, she just wanted to take us all home.
We had seven days of bliss, we were worried because you were premature but everything seemed to be going well. All your Nana, Granddads, Aunties, Uncles and cousins came to see you. We were all so happy, you were the most beautiful baby.


2nd September
You got sick little baby.
We got a phone call in the middle of the night, I woke daddy up and told him to be quick.
When we arrived at the hospital, we were told you needed an operation. We sat all night waiting for the news that the drs had made you better. Everybody was worried.
The doctor came back to us and said it wasn’t as bad as they first thought, such a relief. You were going to be poorly but you were going to be ok.

3rd September
My little Faye, you looked so fragile. Nothing like the days before, you were on a ventilator, so pale. Not the cheeky little girl you were.
I couldn’t bare to look at you, I felt helpless.
Nana Doreen and daddy went to see you one last time before we went home, I stayed in the waiting room, I didn’t want to see you looking so ill. How guilty I feel now baby. I wish I would have seen you that last time.
Me and daddy went home in a daze.
Again the phone rang in the middle of the night, we were told to hurry.
We couldn’t get to the hospital quick enough, the taxi driver thought I was in labour, going slow to help me out, I told him about you, told him to hurry.
We got to the hospital entrance, we ran to your nursery, doctors were all around you. We weren’t allowed to see you Faye, I wish I could have been there the last few moments you were alive. I wish I could have held you as you fell asleep.
We were took to the parents room, sat in the dark. The nurse came and asked if I wanted you baptised, I said it doesn’t matter, just help my baby.
The doctors came in and said it wasn’t looking good, I didn’t cry, just told them to go back in and try and save you. But you were already gone, you didn’t want to fight anymore my little fairy.
After what seems like a lifetime, they came in, told us you had gone. They said it was peaceful, they tried to save you, but you wanted to go. I couldn’t take in what they were saying, I just held daddy’s hand.
We were taken to a different room, you were brought to us. It didn’t look like you, yes same dark hair but just not you. I knew you had already gone. It was the first time I got a proper cuddle with you.
We just sat with you, I held you close, trying to keep you warm. I begged for you to open you eyes, were had you gone. I couldn’t understand why. I wanted to stay with you all night.

I just stared around the room, holding you close, the room looked very homely, I wish it was our home, with you alive in my arms.
I kissed and cuddled you, daddy stroked your hair. We all had to say our final goodbyes.
Me and daddy took you back to the nurses, they put you back in your incubator. I hated giving you back, I didn’t want to leave you baby, I’m sorry, so sorry I left you alone baby girl.
The nurse took hand and foot prints and some pictures, I don’t like those pictures though. Its not you, not my beautiful Faye.
They gave me the hat you were wearing, I held it so close, I thought I would never be able to let it go.
We were leaving the hospital and the nurse ran after us, she had your Everton teddy, we said leave it with you. You had lots of teddies, we left the one Auntie Charlotte bought, with you too.
We went home in Granddad Peters car, we slept, we cried. For the next few days I felt that I was in a dream and I would wake up any minute and you would still be here.

12th September
You came home to nana Vera’s today angel. I was so pleased that me you and daddy could spent the night together. Lots of the family came to see you. They were very upset, but I didn’t cry baby, I was just so pleased we were together again.
It didn’t look like you though, in your little white coffin. I didn’t like the hat you were wearing either but never mind. I put a nice photo of mummy and daddy’s wedding, lots of teddies and a dummy auntie charlotte bought you. Thought you would like that seeing though you loved your purple one.
Auntie Collette and Elsie had decorated in the room you were sleeping in with beautiful flowers and all your cards. I was so pleased that it looked nice for you.
I stroked you little feet, they were so perfect but so small.


13th September
This was the last day I was ever going to see you my sweet little girl. I don’t really remember what happened in the morning, I just sat in the room with you. The family came to say their final goodbyes.
I couldn’t stay strong anymore, I didn’t even realise I was crying, nothing seemed real, mummy and daddy’s aren’t suppose to be doing this with their little new born babies.
We walked out of Nana Vera’s door and there stood all your loving family on the drive way. The kindness of them all overwhelmed me. Your final journey on this earth was with people who truly cared for you.
Only a few weeks previous I had walked down that drive way, with you in my tummy, on my way to marry daddy, my whole future ahead of me. Now I was going to say my last goodbye to you.
We travelled to the crematorium with you on daddy’s knee and me carrying your fairy flowers.
When we got to the crematorium, there were so many people! All these people just for you little baby! Not to mention lots of flowers.
Me and daddy walked in first with you. Watching daddy carry your little coffin was the most heartbreaking thing I have ever seen. Daddy was trying to be strong for me, I was trying to be strong for him…
The nice man who conducted your ‘leaving service’ said some nice words and then granddad Peter said a speech which I wrote for you, I hoped you liked it. I meant every word baby. Granddad Peter was so strong when he read those words for you, and I will be eternally grateful to him.
Your cousins Rebecca, Emma and your Aunty Charlotte put a special Angel teddy with you.
I have never felt so much pain as I did when they closed the curtains to take you away baby, I didn’t want to leave you there. I wanted you to be with me always.
We played a nice song for you called ‘Fallen Angel’, its not the typical funeral song, but you were not a typical baby, you were and still are very special.
We walked out of the room and everybody was offering their condolences for you and I handed out little cards with your photo on it.
I cried so hard that night, I just wanted you back. How I am ever going to be happy again without you.


I think about you every minute of every day sweetheart, my life is never going to be the same without you. I miss you so much and hope that one day we will be together again.
I hope you are happy angel, I hope that you are watching over everybody who so dearly love you and wants you here so much.
I love you Faye x
Love mummy x

A poem from Mummy's friend Kirtsy......
Baby Faye Joy Rawlinson

Faye was a very beautiful baby
An angel sent from above
Young and healthy
Even the fairies couldn't get enough

Jumping for joy when she was born
Overloaded with happiness
Your so very little only 3 pound 9 ounces

Remember how she used to kick and try to talk to you
Always remember how she loved you
Wedding day the baby was nearly here
And love was in the air
In the world only 9 days and
Now you're gone to heaven
Sweet Faye rest your eyes, we will see you very soon
Over and over again how gorgeous you are
Never ever forgetting you Baby Faye Joy Rawlinson
And how beautiful you are.